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My name is Robert and I'm a prostate cancer survivor. On a personal note, I'm 56 years old, I was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and I'm currently a resident of Blackwood, New Jersey. Separated with a son aged 22 a recent college graduate and starting his first job. So I feel free from debt for the first time in probably four years. In telling you my story I recall it was about four years ago. In fact, it was around Thanksgiving, in November of 1995, I had just had my regular checkup with my doctor. And I had a prostate cancer test, a PSA or Prostate Specific Andogen test, which is a blood test, and that was part of my normal routine, which I've been

doing since about age 50. And thought nothing of it. My doctor called while I was out of town and indicated on my message service that I needed to call him back. And since he's not revered for his bedside manner, it was kind of scary to hear him with such urgency in his voice to give him a call back, which I did. And what he said was he wanted me to come for a consultation, which I did. And at that time he wanted me to have further tests because my PSA had elevated from about 3.5 to about 4.3, since the last time. It wasn't so much it was such a dramatic increase numerically, but the rapidity with which the number had gone he had some concern about how fast it had risen in the three months prior since I had my last examination. Confirmed suspicions It was his recommendation at that time that I go see a urologist who was going to give me a biopsy, and immediately there was cause for great concern. I was scared. I've always been reasonably healthy so the idea of further tests was somewhat scary and I went and had the biopsy. And I remember going into this rather dark, chilly room, and there were about two or three people, one was a technician. And there were some graduate students standing around. I guess they were residents, and they were going to watch and observe the biopsy that was being taken. Ultrasound, I think it was called, not a biopsy. Ultrasound. And I remember this lady inserting this instrument, in my rectum, and she indicated to me that this would show the inside on a screen if there was any evidence of cancerous cells, then she would immediately call the doctor in. And I remember feeling most uncomfortable and feeling most unmanly with this female technician. And in fact, no sooner than she had this instrument in me than one of the residents kind of streaked and suggested that there was something he or she saw at the time. Well about 30 seconds later the doctor came in, and he began the process of giving me the biopsy, which was a matter of clipping off tissues. And he tried to assure me that it would only feel like a rubber band snap, yeah, after six times it felt a little bit more than a rubber band snap, however it was done. And I was put to rest for a while just to relax, and I went home. And I came back to my doctor once the test results were in and it was a time when probably the scariest thing happened to me. When he announced I had cancer and there was evidence of cancer and that he felt that there was a need for me to go for another test, I forget the name of that, but the objective was to see whether in fact the cancer had metastasized, which meant that it had spread. So this is a more scarier test for me as I laid on the table and the technician at the time saying to me, We're only looking for white splotches, which would determine whether it spread or not. And immediately as I looked over I saw white splotches and I screamed to her, and she said, no, that's just your kidney. Well, okay, fine, but it's white and it's splotchy and it's scaring me to death. And I asked her point blank if she saw anything that was ominous, and she indicated she was only a technician, and it was up to the doctor to tell me what was going on. But she didn't feel there was anything ominous or something I should be afraid of in terms of the spreading of the cancer. The initial reaction So, after finishing that ordeal, and after I had the PSA, the number was elevated, I then had the ultrasound, I then had the biopsy, and then I was having this other test. I went back to my doctor to discuss what all these things meant, and what the diagnosis was that there was cancer but it was localized to the prostate. Then began the rather arduous task of determining what treatment options there were. I guess like most men my first reaction to any of the options was, What would happen to my sex life? Would I still be able to achieve erection, which is probably the dumbest question one could ask when you're faced with cancer, so I immediately sought out a second opinion from a doctor in Washington who had treated my mother, as a matter of fact, for breast cancer. And I consulted with him and he was also short on beside manner, he said, Look, all you men are exactly the same, your first reaction is whether you ever get an erection in life. We're not concerned one bit about your erection but we are concerned with that we get rid of the cancer. So when your doctor goes in, that's the only concern that he had, the only consideration is to rid you of the cancer, and we will worry about your upcoming erections when the time is right. But let's do first things first, because we really would like you to stay alive to even think about having another erection. So I opted to go for the surgery in March of 1996. The operation was successful, and the support really came from my sister, who came and stayed with me for through the operation and about two weeks after that point, because obviously I was debilitated. I was in the bed, and I had this rather interesting contraption called a catheter, which I until this day will never forget having it in, but also the JOY of having it out. It's kind of an interesting story, because if you've got the catheter, you don't urinate obviously the same way, you're literally urinating in a bag. And it was just most uncomfortable and something that's so very foreign and strange to me. And I recall the day I was due to have it out, and when it finally came out, it was probably the most pleasurable thing that ever happened. I remember going home with a bag full of diapers given to me by the doctor, and he said well, you ought to wear these in case that you will have incontinence, and continue to wear it for as long as you need it. Enjoying the freedom I remember laying in the bed, still not quite comfortable, but more comfortable than I had been for at least three weeks, and I remember the urge to urinate. And I decided at that point in time I wasn't going to get up, I wasn't going to go to the bathroom, I was just going to enjoy the freedom of urinating in this diaper, and that's exactly what I did. And I called my sister and I said, "Guess what I'm doing?" And she says, "I can't imagine. Are you okay?" I said, "I'm fine, I'm just sitting her wetting my diaper cause it's the best feeling I've had in three weeks now with that catheter has been removed. So we're fortunate enough to be able to laugh through the pain, but at least it was the best thing that happened to me postoperatively. I stayed home for about four weeks. Actually I'm sorry, not four weeks but actually three months before I was able to return to work and the doctor limited me to no lifting and no strenuous activities but did feel as though I had recuperated well. If I took it easy it would probably be nine months to a year before I would feel like myself again. And feeling like myself again probably had less to do with medical disposition, had more to do with the fact that there was this sexual urging, if you will. I said, now that I think I'm recovered, is it time to kind of go back to what I enjoy doing, only to find out that in fact that was not something that was possible. So just continue to think about it, but understand that there's a long recuperation period before you become as fully functional as you would like. And one of the things that I will always remember, and I go back a little ways in terms of when I was first diagnosed, I announced it at my board meeting, and after I announced what my condition was, four or five men approached me. In fact, they cornered me in my office because they in fact heard the story and were scared, and had not had the PSA, had not taken care of themselves on a regular basis, which I think is very typical of men. So now that I kind of publicly said what I had, it motivated them to at least ask the question about what should they be doing in terms of their own health. There was one gentleman who I will never forget. His name's Clayton, I don't mind saying names because we've done a lot of public announcements together. I literally remember from the time that I announced the diagnosis until weeks after the operation, he called me every single day, he literally walked me through. He said, "this is what's going to happen, this is how the operation will take place, this is about the catheter, this is about all the things you can expect to happen because I've been there and done that. And I've also found there were a couple other men who'd gone through the same thing. Going public It was just amazing to me that all the men that I knew who were friends, who were drinking buddies, that was something we never, ever discussed among ourselves. But when I came out publicly to say this is me and this is what's happening with me, it forced them, motivated them, encouraged them to share their experiences in that regard. And since that time, several of us have become almost evangelical about getting involved with the American Cancer Society about going out. I also do workshops on a periodic basis, where I literally have a workshop called "Like It Is" because I'm saying to them, in these workshops, 20, 30, 40 men of exactly the same thing I'm saying to you. It was that sharing of experiences by men that gave me at least a level of comfort and I think it lessens the fear considerably. And I would certainly encourage all men to talk with one another because we share more than just our war stories, we share this big war story, which I happen to think that it is. So it's very very comfortable in terms of speaking out about this, I've even done a couple of television shows, which have aired on local television here in Philadelphia. And people have called on the phone I didn't know and asked me questions. I saw you on TV or heard your workshop, my PSA number is this, what do you recommend, and what doctors and the whole nine yards. So at least it awakened in men the imperative to ask questions but more importantly, for them to be regular doctors visits to make sure that we are guarding against some things that could happen because we will not take care of ourselves. I do have to recognize the fact that there's been some changes in me. I've been separated for a number of years and I think that I've enjoyed some very interesting experiences with women and I guess if I'm accurate have had my fair share of interaction, if you will, a discreet way of putting that. And this was something that floored me, because I think that men just typically we define ourselves by our sexual proclivity. And the fact that you're no longer able to interact with the same level of ego-driven prowess that we otherwise have shown, it does cause you to do several different things. You're not apt now to go out to the clubs and try to engage women because you know that if sex becomes something you want to do or feel a need to do, that you really don't have necessarily the same tools. It would have happened with age, anyway, but the point is now how we defined ourselves is not longer as relevant or as pronounced as it once was when we thought we were super studs. Reality check So I've kind of accepted the fact that either by age or by prostate cancer they're no longer a super stud. And I think that's important for men to know, because, beyond the operation which was successful and can be successful without complications, the psychological impact of I think of this is just tremendous. Because I think there is a real feeling of either literally figuratively or medically that one is, in fact, impotent. And while there are things like Viagra and Bob Dole's doing a great job at 75 selling Viagra, but the point becomes one of we tend to be psychologically damaged because now we're not the men that we thought that we were or that we'd still like to be. And one of the things you've got to deal with is the acceptance of that, and the only way to accept that or be comfortable with it is to find a lady that you can be comfortable with. I've been very fortunate of having a lady who understands. And I have nothing to prove because she's known me for thirty years, and whether I'm good in bed or I'm not good in bed or upset or I'm crying or My God --- real manhood, it's not a test of our relationship. The test of our relationship has more to do with how affectionate, how sharing I am, which says, also, that the lesson to be learned for men particularly is that you really do have to modify your sexual agenda, and what's come out of it, which is very interesting. We've always assumed, I think as men that if in fact we were pounding sexually and a woman likes to be pounded, and all those sort of things. Well, that's really a myth. Women, I've come to learn over the years, really respect and expect men to be affectionate, to not have to turn over after sex, to want to cuddle, to want to do things, to go to the malls, to do all the kinds of things that they have loving relationships. And there's more of a preoccupation and a need for significant romantic foreplay than there is for the kind of quick assault that we men have done for all of our lives. And I think that's a great lesson because now it's forced me, I think, certainly, to be more preoccupied with what satisfies my lady than it does for me to satisfy myself. So I now do those things which I think are important to her, as opposed to my own seeking out of self gratification. So when I do workshops I tell men that whole thing about adopting different ways of doing things. That you're not this sexual animal any more, that you really need to be a partner who's attentive and affectionate and things like that. So it makes for a closer, better relationship that you'll have with a woman, and one that you can trust with your feelings and with your now inadequacies, and all that. And you can get the erection - it's not a big deal, and no play on words intended, but there are things like Viagra and there's the noose (?) and implants and a variety of different things, all of which I've tried, including the Viagra. But in effect, the one thing, because I think sex begins inside your own mind inside your own heart, I found out that over the last three or four years that erections have not become the problem. Because the mind is at rest and comfortable with whoever I am now, and my lady gives me the emotional stimulation that sex doesn't become a problem anymore, it just flows naturally again, no play on words, intended. Call your doctor I would not want to go through it again, but I certainly thank God that I'm alive and I certainly thank my doctor for being attentive and basically doing the kinds of things, the kinds of diagnostic testing which I would advise all men to do. --- it into a debate with physicians and HMO's and all that stuff about whether PSA is necessary or unnecessary. I think that we need to err on the side of what you think is right. So I don't , when I go to meetings and I hear doctors debate that philosophically, I just go off, because I'd rather have my doctor and have you do the PSA just to be sure, I don't care whether it's expensive or not, I think the test is not as expensive as a funeral. So I had these debates about these philosophical differences with different doctors and different agencies, or whatever. So I've been through some changes, changes related to age, post operative kinds of changes, changes in relationships, no longer viewing myself as this 50-plus year old stud in that regard, but at least I am comfortable 99% of the time. The levels of comfort have got to do with the fact of trusting in my doctor and trusting in my male friends, who came out and basically gave me a level of comfort as only men can do. And we cried together and we got drunk together and commiserated about our current conditions, but it just feels good to be alive in order to get drunk, in that regard. So if there's any advice that I would give to ANY men, out there, it's not about age anymore, it's anybody from 40 above. There needs to be regular checkups, there needs to be continuous conversation with your doctors, there needs to be whatever diagnostic tests are recommended. I recognize the discomfort of the rectal exam and I hate it just as much as you hate it. But the point is that if you begin to look at yourself realistically and hope for a long life, you've got to put your trust in the doc to do the kinds of test. No matter how unmanly they seem, you do it. You do it and you don't think twice about it. And if I'm bold enough and brash enough to come out on television to say what where I've been, I think certainly there's an opportunity for all men. Whether you come out on TV or not, you ought to come out on the telephone make an appointment with your doctor to make sure that you're in good health. We would want for all men that they live longer so we can sort of stabilize our own family. Confront the problem I think it's a very sad thing when so many men just die unnecessarily because they did not take the time to go to a doctor, or the fact that we did not address which is our innate fear of doctors in that regard. They're there to help, but you gotta insist that they help you in a way in the forms this kind of medium allows you to do and insist on doctors and HMO's whoever you got to insist. Because ultimately it's your health. And money and politics and all that sort of thing should not interfere with your own sense of who you are and your own obsession which should be to live as long as you can for yourself and for your loved ones and for your family. So I use every opportunity I can to talk about the fact that I survived, the changes that I've gone through, and the fact that there is clearly life after prostate cancer. But there is no life if in fact you don't address what is becoming a real serious threat to the community. But particularly among African American males, but it knows no color, it knows no age, it knows no socio-economic limits. In fact, it can strike anybody at any time, ask Mayor Giuliani and ask the people who are high profile but understand it strikes anybody, independent of where they are or who they think they are. So this has been a good opportunity to share my story with you. I hope that you listened, more importantly that you do seek our your doctors and make sure that you get into a regimen that insures your own health and a long life.